I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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