Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
