I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize