my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
