Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
