i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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