i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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