You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
