I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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