When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
