yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Found the puke drawer
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
pray to the hookup gods
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
