I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
