i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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