Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
