wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
