The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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