she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
