Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
