really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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