Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
