I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
