You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
