I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
