Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
