If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
