ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
