Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
