why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize