So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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