his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize