he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
