every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
