She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
