I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
