Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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