I must be too annoying 4 u.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize