I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
BRING THE BAGELS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
