there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
