some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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