Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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