I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
