i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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