What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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