make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize