Ambien. No doubt about it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
