I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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