Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
