nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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