Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize