Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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