I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize