i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
