Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
