Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
