My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just had sex on a roof
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize