i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
