I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
