dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
