you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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