dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
