I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
