do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
