Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize