Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
