We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
