around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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