More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
