Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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