Got a toothbrush?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize