Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
