He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
