Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
