we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's not a foreskin expert like you
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
