I am spending my child support on dildos
I haven't been this sober since birth.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
