Define "chronic" masturbator.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
