she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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