i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
