plz talk dirty to me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
BRING THE BAGELS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
