he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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