You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
sarcasm needs its own font
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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