Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
