Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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