Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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