Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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