I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize