Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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