He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
