Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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