I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
