the condom got lost in my hair
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
