I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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