Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
