Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize