my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
