can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
