im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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