Betty ford says i'm here all night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think i have two assholes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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