do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
