Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize