i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
