...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
