I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
