i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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