cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
