I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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