i need an iv and a liver transplant
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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