She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
