I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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