im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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