based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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