i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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