I'm jealous of your bromance
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
