u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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