pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
